Proverbs 16:4

‎"The Lord has made everything for its own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil."

So God made evil people himself? This means that the devil is merely providing the temptation, but God made it so that certain people will definitely give in.

Judges 1:20

‎"The LORD was with the people of Judah, and they took possession of the hill country. But they failed to drive out the people living in the plains, who had iron chariots."

So God couldn't defeat the iron chariots? What happened? He destroyed a wall and killed 27,000 people with it in Joshua, and now he can't defeat some chariots?

Matthew 27:51-53

‎"At that moment the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, rocks split apart,and tombs opened. The bodies of many godly men and women who had died were raised from the dead. They left the cemetery after Jesus' resurrection, went into the holy city of Jerusalem, and appeared to many people."

So zombies appeared right after Jesus died. Thing is, he didn't resurrect for another three days, so did the revived holy people simply sit around outside their tombs until then?

Genesis 19:31-35

‎"And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose."

Apparently incest with your father is alright as long as he's drunk and you're ugly!

Ezekiel 23:19-20

‎"She remembered how she had been a prostitute in Egypt when she was young. So she took part in even more prostitution. She lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose semen was like that of horses."

I had no idea Ron Jeremy lived in Egypt 2500 years ago!

Deuteronomy 15:16-17

‎"But suppose your servant says, 'I will not leave you,' because he loves you and your family, and he has done well with you. In that case, take an awl and push it through his earlobe into the door. After that, he will be your servant for life. And do the same for your female servants."

An awl is basically a big spike. This sounds more like a cautionary tale for servants if you ask me.
"I'd better not get too attached to this family or they'll stab me in my ear and i'll be stuck to the door for a week."

Leviticus 21:18-20

‎"No man who has any defect is to come near: no man who is blind, lame, facially disfigured, or deformed; no man who has a broken foot or hand, or who is a hunchback or a dwarf, or who has an eye defect, a festering rash, scabs, or a crushed testicle."

This is God talking to Moses. What exactly does God have against people with crushed balls?